Happiness

Why is it hard to be happy? Some of you will read that question, and immediately begin to doubt my happiness. Don't. I'm very happy. I love my husband, I love my dog, I love both my jobs, I'm selling my house, and hopefully getting another soon. I am extremely happy. But it doesn't change the fact, that happiness seems easy to acquire and hard to hold on to. Day to day life can just get you down, and we as humans seem to want to wallow in that. I know not everyone does this. I've seen extremely happy people, who have had some horrible tragedy or disappointment in their past. To look at them, you would never know. You could never possibly imagine that some thing stole their heart. Thing is the only word for it. It's usually so horrible that it cannot really be described only understood. Yet so many people are able to live again. Then those of us who should be fine, want to give in to annoyances and be unhappy. I've also seen people who seem to have everything going for them and they are obviously miserable, or they only pretend to be happy. (It's all a big fa-cade! -I know it's not pronounced that way but if you seen the movie this is from you'll get it) I am not a moody person most of the time. My moodiness generally comes out when I'm tired, but there are times with me and I'm sure with most people that you just get down. I know I've had some rough things in my past that could have left much more obvious marks for the world to see. Even my closest friends (except Austin) don't know the true secrets of my heart. The things that could have ruined my life. I seem like a normal person that has never had bad things happen to her. Yet these awful things that leave hidden scars are not what generally gets me down. Instead it is annoyances and frustration that I fight to overcome. I hate it when I get like that. It seems so selfish and unfair of me. Especially when others have it really bad. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it is hard to let go of the past, and I can become hung up on those things. I do not blame people who have a hard time "going on with life" when bad things happen. I'm very sympathetic. But I admit to having hard time with people who just seem to whine. {I'm not talking about venting either, everyone needs to vent-especially to their friends; heck-I'm doing it now} I have this Tom Petty song that I recently really listened to the words too, and I have come to use it almost as an anthem. To remind me that life is hard, but you determine your happiness by your reactions, and the way you choose to live. My favorite part is

"You don't have to live like a refuge, Everybody's had to fight to be free".

I hope no one takes any of this against them in some way. I love reading ya'lls' blogs, the good and bad. This whole thought process came over me when Kimberly and I were talking this week (It was great to spend time with you!). We just starting discussing those times that want to make you give up, but that you keep going on. Wondering why some people (Christians and non-Christians) give in to their pain, and others learn how to live again. Everyone gets depressed, but not everyone stays depressed. I've learned the older I get that everyone has scars, but some are hidden. Everyone has had bad things happen to them, they just deal with them differently. People who are able to deal with life inspire me. They make me want to forget my hurts and stay happy (not flit back and forth). I don't hold grudges, but I do have the tendency to hold onto pain. It is buried deep and rarely surfaces. Those everyday frustrations can get to me sometimes. But I love being alive. Life's no fun if you're always upset about little things. I'm determined to be a more upbeat person who lives life to the hilt. I don't want to be a happy worrier. I want to be a happy person. Happy people help the people around them be happy. (Say that 5 times fast) Being able to share this on my blog, helps me. I just need to get those thoughts out there sometimes. It also helps me hold myself accountable. I will fight to be free. Everyday. From those big and little things. I hope anyone reading this doesn't get down. It's meant to inspire in my own weird way. Just remember when you come down from the happy "highs", you can stay happy. No one has to live in ways they don't want to. You don't have to be a refuge! You can be so happy others will wonder and strive to achieve the same.