Happy Valentine's Day!!

I love Valentine's Day, although like my friends they have not always been the best. For most people, your heart is broken on that day no matter how hard you hope for a secret admirer. I can't complain. Young girls dream of Valentine's day for years, before there is even enough boys their own age to realize what day it is. It can be a beautiful day though, and I have had some wonderful ones with Austin. (Today a got a dozen multi-colored roses. He threw me off by asking me yesterday at Wal-Mart if I just wanted to go ahead and get flowers while we were there. All I could say was "You can get me flowers from W-Mart as long as you don't tell me about it." See how sneaky he is. All that trouble, just ensure I'd be surprised.) Although, I can't say that my favorite memories of Austin have anything to do with Valentine's or something big and romantic we did. It has always been the simple things that brings a smile to my heart. I'll share one memory that I will keep forever. I awoke in the middle of the night, and we were holding hands. I immediately smiled and drifted back to sleep. Number one, neither of us sleeps on our backs, but we were both lying there flat on our backs with fingers intertwined. Number two, when I mentioned it the next day, Austin said he woke up and noticed the same thing, but neither of us knew who grabbed the other's hand. Number three, I do not often wake up in the middle of the night and smile. Usually, I'm irritated or upset. That is a precious memory for me. I have to say that since then, I've noticed that as I'm waking up in the morning, we are usually wrapped up together somehow. Amazing to me since we generally fall asleep on the other side of the bed with a dog between us. I love waking up next to my husband. We always cuddle in our sleep, and it makes me feel safe and loved. (Forget the stuffed animals.) Another precious thing to me is my wedding ring and it has nothing to do with the band. Most of the time, I don't notice it, but every once in a while I'll remember that engraved on both bands is "Ubi es ibi sum"-Latin for Wherever you are, there I am. It's the everyday things that I love about my husband. Even when he frustrates me, he makes my life enjoyable and happy. So Austin I hope you read this, because you are the man that makes my dreams come true.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Friends

What to say? I've been meaning to post for days, but things always come up. Including sharing this computer. Until we find a house that will be the case. Anyway, since I haven't been able to post, I've forgotten most of the things I wanted to say. I want all my friends, bloggers and non-bloggers to know that I am very grateful for you. For some of you, this allows us to keep in touch through the miles. For others, not only can we keep in touch but we can get to know each other again. Every good friendship needs a refresher course every once in a while. And still for others, this blog allows us to express ourselves in ways we normally wouldn't in person. Not that we mind people knowing our thoughts. Sometimes they're just hard to put into words. Allowing people to see into your inner selves creates the greatest friendships of all, and these can take years to build. Living on the coast, I found friends. But there was know history with them. I liked them alot, but since I'd never really had to dig deep with my friends (b/c they'd known me so long) it was hard to get the same kind of connection that I had with friends from home. There are still people there that I want to keep in touch with, and I will have to make a point to do that. I want to be lifelong friends with them but distance and sometimes other obstacles make things difficult. To everyone, when you find a friend, a true friend, hold onto them. Do not let misunderstandings, distance, time, family, busyness or anything else get in the way. It is so easy to do and I have done it many times. That's why I love these blogs. I can let my friends know how I'm doing and find out how they're doing. I didn't mean to get sad or lecturey (is that a word?) I just get on a soapbox sometimes. My main thing was to let everyone know who reads this blog: Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring about my life. Thanks for making the effort to stay in touch. Some of you guys I miss, and some of you I get to see pretty often, but I love you all. Now that is something I have a very hard time saying in person! Just know that it is true.
Lord, bless my friends. They mean so much to me, and I know they mean more to You. Be with them and let them feel Your presence. You are the ultimate Friend, and let all of us always remember that. Thank you for Your everyday blessings, we are sometimes to busy to notice. And even though we don't notice them, thank You for not taking them away, but continuing to shower us with Your love. Thank you that my friends have been a blessing to me and help me to be a blessing to them. What would we do without you Father?

For all my friends out there and new acquaintances, we have another new blogger. Check out Melissa at www.melissa99.blogspot.com

Love
Amy

There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Doubting Amy

Nothing new has happened today. I'm my usual fearful, questioning self. I've been debating for a while if I could really be a teacher for the next 30 years. Don't get me wrong. I love teaching. Kids are hilarious, sweet, and innocent. They're also frustrating. That however would not keep me out of the classroom. It's stressful, yes, but with children each day is a new day. They always start out fresh without the previous days' grudges and anger. How many adults can say that? What would keep me out of the classroom however is the stress from parents and the politcal stuff. That's the only thing I know to call it. Just stuff. There is always pressure for perfection. How many perfect kids do you know? Every day is a reminder that they have to succeed on that final test. If they don't, they suffer, you suffer, the school suffers, and finally the school district suffers. Who signed up for that? The bigger "thing" in all this is that you are supposed to helping mold a child's mind and heart for his/her entire life. What a noble and wonderful thought. Then in steps the real world. Don't get me wrong. Everything you do will affect these children in one way or another. A scary thought. If you don't believe me, think about one of your worst days at school and tell me there wasn't a teacher involved that you will never be able to forget; then think about your best day and remember your undying affection for that teacher. But there is never any attention on that. The focus is always the TEST. The good teachers and principals still believe in helping children, but they are under tremendous pressure too. There is no escaping it. So I battle back and forth on a weekly basis. Can I handle this for so long? Do I have a choice? I'm considering getting my masters, but what then? I want a good job, that doesn't feel like a job. Who doesn't want that? Sometimes I think I'm just lazy. I've always wanted to be able to stay home with my children when I have them, but what if I got bored or couldn't deal with it? That would be a worse feeling than never being able to do it. At least being a teacher, lets me know what teachers want so that I can help my own children. I will always have holidays and weekends off with them. How many people can boast that? In the midst of all the blessings, there is always doubt with me. I wish I understood why. Maybe I do. I just don't want to face why. Then when it seems I need it the most, the faith is there. Strong and sure. I am two people. One always at war with the other. How can I be so sure and so scared? So spontaneous and so predictable? So adventurous and so boring? So loving and so withdrawn? So independent and so afraid to be alone? So blessed and still so skeptical? My husband has a song that he sings to me. It always brings tears to my eyes and reminds me of his love. I've told him that I'm not sure I see the person he does, but he reassures me. That is what great husbands do.

You got to leave me now, You got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away.
When you're flying high, take my heart along.
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play.

When you're soaring through the air, I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there
When you come back down.
When you come back down.

I'll keep looking up, awaitin your return,
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn,
And I won't feel your fire.
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connecting in between your sweet heart and mine,
I'm strung out on that wire.

And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call,
You were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling,
Let me help you with your wings.
By Nickel Creek

If this doesn't make sense, I do apologize. I warned you. I ramble. The only way to collect the thoughts is to put them down. They still don't make alot of sense then, but I always feel reassured. Enjoy.

Back to the Beginning

I decided to name this post "Back to the Beginning" because of one of my favorite movies "The Princess Bride". If you've seen it you know, that when things go wrong you should always go back to the beginning. Well things aren't going wrong. They've been going so right, it is almost scary. My husband and I were married almost three years ago. Two months after we got married me moved away. A couple of months ago, he was offered a job back in our hometown. For him to accept, we had to move out of our first home and in with my grandmother and mother. I had to quit my job and hope I found a new one ASAP. Most importantly, to survive we needed to sell our house quickly. Well, two weeks before we moved back, I got my old job back (a wonderful job). I started the week of New Year's. Everything was going great, but I wasn't going to be able to work as many hours as I wanted. Well, the interim principal, from Franklin Elementary called me and asked me to be a long term sub. I agreed only if I could keep my current job. To sum up, I am working two jobs and one employer is letting me leave early, while the other one is letting me come in late. An enormous blessing. Next order of business: We knew our house would not sell quickly. When we bought it, it had been on the market 1 1/2 years. One month to the day we moved out, we went under contract with someone to buy our house. If things work out as we planned, we'll only have to make 1 payment on a house we're not living in. This may seem trivial to some, but do you ever have God remind you that He is always there. That is what these last few weeks have been like. Austin and I stepped out on faith, and God has carried us. Don't laugh. I've been ignoring Him for a long time, and He has shown His love just by showing me He is still there. I guess I have always thought that in many ways God has let me down. That wasn't fair or accurate of me. Life is life. It hurts and it's hard. No one can expect perfection. You just have to learn to deal with what comes. There will always be good things that keep you going. I had plenty of those good things, but I was angry. Sometimes I still am, but I'm trying to deal with that. I guess I thought that if I turned my back on Him, He would leave (like so many have done) but He is God. Instead of leaving, He showed me that He hasn't given up. I could not be more grateful for that. So my message today is "When things go wrong, always go back to the beginning."

Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, GOD created the heavens and the earth."

A Beginning

I have decided to create this blog because of the enjoyment I've received from reading my friends'. I hope this makes it easier for us to be in touch. Their writings have interested and inspired, and I hope my can do some of the same. I have an ordinary life with a wonderful husband, and I can't complain (sometimes I can). Do not be surprised if what I write rambles. Just bear with me, because I could out talk anyone. I need an outlet, and I hope this helps. If you want to get to know me just check in occasionally.